Wedding Frenzy

Got a lot of wedding invitation lately. But have no chance to come anyway. I've planned to come, either I have this panic attack of being afraid to be in the middle of the unknown peeps crowd, or I was busy with works. Most of them come near the deadline of my stuff. So, I got to set my priorities.

Maybe it's because the lucky 7 shots that kind of thing. The invitation were piled up at my house and office. They all comes from my family and my friends. High school mates, college mates, my colleagues at work. Within the wedding of course there are bachellorette party too. Well, for this one I dearly came, not all of them, I should see the place too. If the place are too crowded and too dark, I prefer not.

I'm not that kind of crazy party and club goers. Well, I do go to the club sumtimes, but not too often, and never be alone to go there. I don't like to stay in a party too much. When the party gets too crowded, too louzy, too wild, getting too much, I'll make sure I've already outta there. Excepts if there's someone I knew, maybe I can hold on. I don't know it's kinda phobia for me. I had this thing since I was a kid. I always cry everytime my parents drag me to come either to a bithday party or wedding. It's too creepy for me to see all those peeps all wandering around with all too much unworthy make up on their faces.

Anyway, there was an invitation pop out at my desk late thursday afternoon, from my high school fella. We never met after the graduation anyway. We just met sumtimes ago at starbucks at wallstreet. We stop by and chat all the way, and we promised to see each outher again sometimes. We met again for several times, until she gets promoted to move on at another state, and I still stuck in this beloved city. So we never met again since 2 years ago.

I decided to call her up. She gets married with her father's employee, which my other fella sez, she was setted up by her mother to met this guy. So, she commited to stop the job and be a good housewife. Glllaahahh... How can she made that decission? I have to say that she's kind of old school kinda lady (or should I say ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!!!) Whatever, I just can say bless you when she said that. She insisted me and terrorize me with 5 times a day call that I should come because she wants to see my boo, which I don't have it right now. But she didn't digg it. I have to come period, she said.

So I decided to come with the neverendingcouplewhoneverthinktogetmarried friend R n F. They also insisted and pushed me to come. They dressed up, me not. I only put my Gucci Jacket over rugged blue rusty shirts, republic jeans and adidas sneakers. I don't feel like I wanna wear sumthin nice, and those were the last piece of my clean clothes. Since I haven't had those laundry for 3 weeks. And I don't have money and time to go shopping at Soho. After all those bloody comments over the suits I wore by those couple, up we go.

The party was a blast, but as usual I get panicked just as my foot set into the hall. It was huge party, with lots of foods, great ceremony, great musics (seriously it's not louzy), and great crowds, I can't stand it, and worst, my fellas left me ALONE there, leaving me at the middle of nowhere. That what makes my panic worsened. Try to ge coffee but it's not exist, try to call them not getting any signal (or it was turned off), till there was someone who tapped me from behind and that muthaf***in face I knew, the face I missed for so long, and I hate as much as love to see him again, It's ED, my ex. I wanna hug him but I can't, I wanna kiss him hard but I can't, I wanna scream but I can't, and there I was, gagging, couldn't believe what I saw. Been 2 years not to see him, and frankly I want him back so badly, over what we've had. We've connected in high school only for 2 months, and ended over silly reason that i've made up and stupid misunderstanding. He asked me back a year after, but I rejected, cuz with stupidly reason of I wanna forget him for good. That hurts, I know. cuz that hurt me too, because not only I can't forget him for good, I'm in love with him ever since. Sucks, stupid and idiotic. And we commited just friend ever since. And I should say, that everytime I almost that close to forget about him and the feeling, He popped out of nowhere, and made me wanting him again.

Just like last night, he was the only last person that I expect to come, cuz I know that he wasn't like this kind of thing. So, it's impossible for him to come to the wedding. And he came. And I'm so glad cuz finally I can find someone to make me to stay, and also hate because why him??? He knew about the freakin' out thing, so he was kinda comforting me with detouring my attention to some other else. He's just a saviour that I hope to come. and he asked me to go to a coffeshop, to zip a cup of coffee to calming me down, and offer me to drive me home. He's such a guy, while he never act as one when he was still my boo. Comment over last night, happy, cuz finally i can see his face, and hopefully we can met again sometime. This feeling sucks bad.